I’m Dr. Urlaa and I’m my litter’s breeder.

I'm also your worst nightmare if you haven’t been living your life the way I think you should. It really cheeses me off when you people do stuff like living in sin, or how some of you deliberately choose to live a homosexual lifestyle when you know darned well you could just as well be having a heterosexual relationship that wouldn't disgust me.

Don’t try to tell me that I’d be enough to turn any man gay. I’ve heard that way too many times from all my ex-boyfriends to fall for it. Face it! If you're not like me you’re just a worthless lump of rat droppings. I’ll try to work with you, but listen up: if you give me any lip, or if you try to correct me while I’m making a moral judgement of you, I’ll humiliate you even more than you’ve already humiliated yourself by asking me for advice.

Sure, I made mistakes when I was young, but that’s not going to stop me from judging you with a vengence!

If you don’t have a clue about what’s morally right or wrong, and you’d like for some narrow-minded, bigoted, talk show host to tell you what's right or wrong, email me at rattyadvice@urlsinternetcafe.com. Just spill your guts and bare your soul. I’ll have my computer send you an automated response that’s as compassionate and concerned as you’ll get on some nationally broadcast talk shows. If you’re lucky (or pathetic enough), I’ll even consider putting you on my Ratty Advice Talk Show Web Page.

Now go take the day by the throat, slap it around, and treat it like doodoo. If you have friends, relatives, or co-workers who don’t share my personal philosophy, tell them politely that you don’t care to associate with immoral slugs.

I'm Dr. Urlaa. Go do the Rat thing! I know I will.

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